It was a Monday.
I don’t want to dwell on a bad day. In fact, hindsight 20/20, the day wasn’t that bad. Positives? Dad’s surgery went well and he is home safe and sound. I was able to work from home, which allowed me to support my family and save my time for maternity leave. I had food to eat all day and did not get too hungry and feel faint. I got to wear comfortable clothes all day. I got to feel my baby moving and kicking today.
However, the anxieties that surround days like today make it so hard to recognize the blessings. Anxieties such as, “Dad is in surgery and anything could go wrong.” “My computer isn’t allowing me to work, if I try to get this fixed is it going to take me away from the hospital too long? What if something bad happens and I’m not there?” “Am I getting too stressed? Can my baby feel it?”
On days like today, even a song being stuck in my head can make me irritable. If I heard, Truth Hurts by Lizzo run through my head one more time today I was gonna have to either start a flash mob or bang my head against the nearest hard surface.
The worst part about tough days is my lack of patience and understanding for anyone or anything. Someone could be helping in the best way they know how and somehow I will still lash out at them. If I accidentally drop my phone, all I want to do is scream and jump up and down on it just to punctuate how upset I am about my phone “jumping” out of my hand.
Do you ever feel like this? Like nothing is going to go right? Like you can’t seem to get a handle on your life?
If you’ve ever felt this way, you know how important it can be to be either surrounded by no one, or at least by the people who know exactly what you need. It is vital that I have plenty of space to myself - let me approach you for help or socialization.
I’m also horrible about beating myself up on days like this one. No matter how hard I try to remind myself to let God handle what I obviously am struggling with, I still can’t help but remind myself that I’m failing. It is my goal to learn the art of maintaining positive thoughts in times of high stress and emotion and today has only been another reminder of that.
I’m so grateful for all that went well today, because in the end, those were the most important things anyway. But I’m also super glad the day has ended.